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Small Choices, Big Impacts – Technology for Immune System Boosts

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“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

  – Viktor Frankl

At this moment we’ve been asked to pause our lives and isolate from most of our family, friends, and colleagues. We are powerless to stop the contagion of disease or the conflict of politics but we are free to choose how we respond in this moment. And we can definitely control what sort of changes we want to see in our future selves when this time of turmoil comes to an end, as indeed it will. Though the world may seem too full of threats and too overwhelming to make any change right now, keep in mind that the biggest transformations are often the result of tiny, almost imperceptible steps we take along the way. And as every gardener knows, fallow ground is actually the most fertile because it has had time to rest and regenerate. This Spring may be just the right time to plant and nurture small seeds that will germinate and grow into the healthy changes we want to see in our lives. And the best news is that the same steps that will result in a healthier future self, will also stabilize our mood and calm our nerves leading to more equanimity in the home, as well as giving a vital boost to the immune system. Small choices that help nurture inner calm can also help bring peace to a not so peaceful world.

Be gentle with yourself

During this time of fear and uncertainty we all yearn to feel loved, nurtured, and safe. Yet the voice we often choose when speaking to ourselves — which is, after all, the person we talk to more than anyone else in the world — is neither kind nor helpful, or even truthful!  Pay attention to the voice in your head and choose kind and respectful communication. In a world full of threat and danger it is important to have a sanctuary where you feel safe and calm, especially in your own mind. A small increase in self-awareness and self-compassion will lead to better self-regulation and management of emotions, which in turn will lead to more harmony and peace within. In this time of global stress, inner peace is our greatest gift and most valuable asset. Choose to nurture inner peace. Be gentle with yourself.

Technology:  Immune System Boost or Bust 

That little phone in our pocket (which is a million times more powerful than the computer that landed man on the moon 50 years ago) has the power to fill us with global and local news that can so overwhelm our nervous system we no longer sleep at night or even think straight. When we are so absorbed in feelings of distress that it robs us of energy and the ability to think clearly, it destroys the immune system’s ability to function at full capacity. Use technology to get absorbed in a more comfortable way of being and reconnect to the great potential that lies within.

Technology for immune system boosts:

Establish a schedule that includes lots of self-care:  This profound disruption to everyday life makes it vital that we re-establish a sense of continuity. Set a firm schedule that includes appointments with yourself to get exercise, go outside, meditate, and connect with people you love even if it’s only on-line. Right now taking care of yourself is taking care of others.

Connect with people:   We grow in connection with others. Reach out and let others know you’re thinking of them, they are important and you are grateful for their presence in your life. This is no time to regret things left unspoken.

Laughter:  A good laugh will increase oxygen to the heart, lungs, and muscles, release endorphins in the brain to improve mood and decrease stress and elevate the immune system. That is good medicine!  Contact a fun friend or watch a movie that makes you laugh.

Stories of triumph over adversity:  Whether through movies, books, or chats, seek out stories where we overcome hard times. Can we get enough of these right now?

Music:  Music is medicine – use it. There’s something especially touching about some of the videos musicians are putting online right now. Stripped of flashy makeup and distracting backups they feel vulnerable and powerful at the same time.

Engage the healing power of creativity:   The creative process can tap into incredible inner strength and art doesn’t have to be perfect, beautiful, or significant to be powerful. One family has a nightly photography contest where the person with the most creative picture on a chosen subject gets bragging rights for a full 24 hours. That’s a great way to ease feelings of isolation!

Heart Rate Variability BioFeedback:  A simple and effective way to interrupt the stress response and shift your heart, mind, and emotions into healthy coherence, you can use Inner Balance technology to replenish your energy, balance your emotions, and increase resilience. Buy the Inner Balance device here at The Kaplan Center or go to HeartMath.com for this fun and efficient bio-hack to your meditation practice.

Gratitude journal:  Relishing good experiences can improve health, outlook, and relationships. A definite boost to the immune system!

Expressive writing:  A form of therapy that can be good for your sleep, your state of mind, and your emotional well-being, all of which bolster your immune system and improve your health. Click here for instructions on this powerful technique.

Benefit finding:  Finding the silver lining in a dark cloud can be a potent boost to the immune system. Then taking the time to write these thoughts is like doubling down on a good bet.

Random acts of kindness:  Nothing makes us happier than to know we’ve touched someone’s life in a positive way. There are many lonely people out there. Reach out and do something kind. It will boost your health and make them feel better.

Pit stop reminders:  Fear, uncertainty, and helplessness can rev the nervous system like a race car so schedule regular pit stops to refuel and make mechanical adjustments so you can stay in it for the long haul. Set a timer that goes off every two hours and stop, stretch, do a minute of deep breathing, and drink water to hydrate. Small steps are giant leaps when it comes to countering fear and balancing the nervous system.

Guided Imagery and Self-Hypnosis:  Tap into the tremendous power of your own mind to relieve stress, relax your body, improve sleep, and elevate immune system functions. The health benefits are numerous and there are no risks or side effects. You can explore different imageries on-line or call for an in-person or video conference appointment at The Kaplan Center.

Or… turn off all technology

Use this opportunity to find the beauty in small things and contemplate what is really important in life. Better days are ahead.  In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, use technology wisely and find ways to control what you can in order to ease the feelings of helplessness and reconnect with the potential that exists within you.

We are here for you at The Kaplan Center. Call to schedule an appointment in person or on-line with the doctors and therapists that can help you get through this change with as much health and resilience as possible. We very much look forward to seeing you.

We are here for you, and we want to help.

Our goal is to return you to optimal health as soon as possible. To schedule an appointment please call: 703-532-4892 x2

helping_someone_with_destructive_behavior

How to Help Someone Who Exhibits Destructive Behavior

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Q: Someone near and dear to me suffers from such powerful, long-standing shame that he cannot, or won’t, admit engaging in behaviors that are destructive to his personal relationships (e.g., verbal abuse). Is there any way to confront him gently, in a way that helps him feel safe so that he and his loved ones can start healing their respective relationships?

Jodi Brayton, L.C.S.W., M.S.W.:

This is such a great question on many levels. It involves a universal emotion – to be human is to feel shame – and the very wording of the question shows that the writer already understands the antidote to shame: love, connection, and compassion. I like that the writer gets the fact that destructive behavior should be confronted (in a safe way) in order to begin healing any relationship. There are some very thoughtful experts exploring current research on the issues of shame and compassion and I want to share some information that may be useful to you.

One of my favorite writers from a psycho-therapeutic point of view is Janina Fisher, Ph.D., a therapist who looks at the shame and self-loathing associated with childhood trauma from a neurobiological perspective. Fisher does a beautiful job of explaining that many of our negative behaviors are, or were at one time, beneficial adaptations to traumatic circumstances. Anger, for instance, may be a self-protective maneuver designed to push people away before they can hurt us. She explains how shame and perfectionism are adaptive strategies that drive responses such as hypervigilance, automatic obedience, and total submission; strategies that help young victims survive abuse[i].

The dilemma with confronting people who struggle with shame is that even the kindest, most gentle approach can confirm their worst beliefs about themselves. The thought, “it’s my fault,” can activate areas of the brain that lead to emotional and autonomic reactivity, according to Fisher, which may explain reactions that are destructive to personal relationships, such as verbal abuse.

Curiosity and mindfulness, on the other hand, tend to activate the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that regulates such emotional and autonomic reactivity[ii]. The job of a therapist is to help clients remain in the medial prefrontal cortex part of their brain because when we are curious and mindful we find meaning and gain perspective. Your friend is more likely to accept a recommendation of therapy if you come from the approach that he is not where he wants to be. The website janinafisher.com has several informative articles that can be downloaded for free.

Questions? Give Us a Call!

703-532-4892 x2

Understanding the hard science behind behavior can help many people recognize and accept the need for change and there is fascinating research on the physiology behind the healing power of self-compassion. It seems that our body responds to an emotional attack of self-criticism just as it would to the physical threat of having a gun pointed in our direction. The fight or flight response is triggered and the stress hormone cortisol is released in order to mobilize our body to avoid or confront the threatening situation. We all know that too much cortisol over a long period of time can be destructive to our bodies; however, recent research shows that generating feelings of self-compassion can actually decrease those cortisol levels and increase the release of the hormone oxytocin in our system. When we increase the level of the oxytocin we increase feelings of calm, trust, safety, generosity, and closeness to others – all of which are needed to counter the painful emotion of shame[iii].

Kristen Neff, Ph.D., one of the leading researchers on the physiology of self-compassion, has a website – self-compassion.org – that many of my clients find useful. It offers several guided meditations and various exercises designed to help people increase their self-compassion skills. There’s also a self-administered test that measures the elements of self-compassion, as well as the things that hinder our self-compassion, such as self-judgment, isolation, and over-identification. You can recommend this site not only to counter the effects of shame but to anyone who wants to live a more contented and fulfilling life.

The last writer I want to mention is a researcher who has an exceptional ability to inspire people to go to those deep, dark places of shame and fear. Brené Brown, Ph.D., believes that we begin healing by sharing our difficult stories with appropriate others in order to feel worthy, connected, and lovable. She gave a 2010 TEDx Houston talk on the power of vulnerability that was one of the most popular talks on TED.com. She followed up with a second talk in 2012 called Listening to Shame, and together these talks have received over 25 million views. They are chock-full of humor, humanity, and interesting information and you can recommend these talks based on the entertainment value alone.

Another thing I hope you consider reading, and/or offering to your friend, is Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Brown has devoted most of her professional career to the study of human vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame, and she really leads by example in this book. In order to help others find the courage to explore their own feelings of inadequacy, Brown fearlessly, and wholeheartedly shares hers. This leaves the reader with a sense of connection to our common humanity, as opposed to the feeling of isolation and alienation that results from keeping things hidden. Many people find this book a valuable tool for self-exploration.

The concept that permeates all the works cited above – and that can help your friend find the non-judgmental state of mind he’ll need in order to observe his own thoughts and behavior in a safe way – is mindfulness. Suggesting mindful practices, such as meditation, prayer, and journaling (especially a gratitude journal) could prove most valuable in helping your friend gain perspective and find a sense of peace even in the most complicated and difficult situations.

Thank you so much for this opportunity to share this information. Your question is important and the task is a challenging one, but Brené Brown sums up what is at risk with the following quote[iv]:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

– Jodi Brayton, L.C.S.W., M.S.W.

We are here for you, and we want to help.

Our goal is to return you to optimal health as soon as possible. To schedule an appointment please call: 703-532-4892 x2

[i] Fisher, J. Working with the Neurobiological Legacy of Early Trauma: Paper presented at the Annual Conference, American Mental Health Counselors July, 2003.
[ii] Fisher, J. Brain to Brain: The Therapist as Neurobiological Regulator. Psychotherapy Networker. 34:1, January 2010.
[iii] Neff, K. D. (2012). The science of self compassion. In C. Germer & R. Siegel (Eds.) Compassion and Wisdom in Psychotherapy. New York: Guilford Press.
[iv] Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (p. 6). Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden Publishing.